Thursday, April 22, 2010

Sticking to my "one thing"

Wow! When I decided to start doing just the "one" thing, my walking/running every day for 30 minutes, I thought it would be a piece of cake. And I was right, at least physically...but that "all or nothing" mental part of me is struggling big time! I'm on day 3, and the anxiety I'm feeling is crazy!

Every time I tried to start a new weight loss/exercise program in the past, I always did it with an obsessive single-mindedness. I would throw myself into it...I had to work out AND I had to eat healthy, or I felt like I was wasting my time. There was no doing one without the other. And if I slipped up on one, then I would purposely stop doing the other. If I had a bad day of eating, then I rationalized that there was no point in working out...or if I missed a workout, then I would give myself permission to eat crap and start again tomorrow. Is that messed up or what? The sad thing is, even if I had a day or two or three of making bad choices where food is concerned, wouldn't it make more sense to keep working out so if nothing else I could burn off some of those nasty calories and perhaps not gain weight?

So here I am, happy with myself for doing my 30 minutes a day, but freaking out cuz I should be doing more! I should be fitting some weights in there, I should be writing down what I eat and be focusing on everything I put in my's insane is what it is! I didn't realize until today how much pressure I have been putting on myself! I didn't realize how much this "all or nothing" attitude was hurting me and setting me up for failure. I have to stop. I'm going to keep doing my one thing a day and I'm going to be proud of myself for doing it every day. I am going to make a conscious effort to drown out that self-defeating, negative internal recording, and crank up the volume on my new and improved positive one! And if I have to play it over and over an over...then that's what I'll do, whatever it takes.

And I AM proud of myself! I had a late night last night, playing pool in a local 8-ball league. It was our play-offs, which we lost, bummer...and I didn't get home until almost midnight. It usually takes me a while to fall asleep, and then I'm usually woken up once or twice in the night by my cat, Buster. He has this lovely little habit of laying on my stomach while I'm sleeping. And if I happen to be laying on my side, then he walks up and paws at my head until I roll over onto my back, where he can then comfortably curl up on his favourite bed, my stomach. And of course I do this cuz I'm such a sucker! Anyways, I get up anywhere between 5-5:30 in the morning to go to work. So needless to say, I got very little sleep last night, I was running on fumes, and I was tired after work! But what did I do? I came home and jumped on my treadmill...and I felt the tiredness and stress just roll off my shoulders while I was walking.

So today was a good day :-)

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