The good the bad and ugly...

Hey all! I'm still here, i haven't dropped off the planet. I've been struggling...and with struggling comes guilt, and embarrassment...and then that becomes a whole new struggle! Well, i'm gonna bite the bullet, start practicing what i preach and reach out for help.

Other than a few walks, i haven't exercised since i got back from vacation 2 weeks ago. I've watched the pounds slowly creep back on, 4 more to be exact!! And i've let my body start finding those old aches and pains again. I won't even tell you what i've been eating!! I've allowed myself to take a back seat again in my own life. I've just sat there letting it happen. Hmmm...seems to me that's how i got so big in the first place.

Not sure why i let this happen...though i have an inkling. I'm one of those people that when i get depressed, i eat and sleep. Well, that is soooo not the case right now. But i also know that when things are going GREAT i also start back sliding. I have no clue as to why i do this...maybe because i'm so focused on what is making me happy i lose myself? I don't make me a priority? Do any of you experience this? Well, i have to say that my life is AMAZING right now!

I've been having a long distance relationship with S. We have known each other for about 12 years now, and lets just say that we have a history together. He has always lived on the east coast, and other than my few year stint in Halifax, i have always lived on the west coast. I never thought that anything would come of it before, that the distance was too great. He has 3 daughters that live out there and obviously him moving is not an option. I have family and friends here, and i always thought i couldn't imagine leaving. Well, that was then this is now :-) I love my family dearly, but i need to follow my heart, and it's with S. I have decided that i'm going to take a chance, and i'm going to move out there with him! We haven't picked a date yet, we have to wait on my job. I work for the federal government and i'm trying to get a transfer out there. I won't leave without my job, but even if i can't get a transfer, i could look at different departments. So this could happen in a couple of months, it could happen next year. I've never been happier! He's my best friend and i want nothing more than to grow old with him!

So, that being said, i'm happy happy happy! BUT...i need to keep my focus on getting healthy. It's hard right now, i'm so distracted...but i know i need to do this, i know how important this is. I woke up this morning with that old determination, and i'm going to work on today. I'm not going to stress about tomorrow. I just finished having a healthy breakfast. That's step 1. I'm going to do a few chores, and then jump on my treadmill. No excuses. That will be step 2. And no matter what happens today i am going to be accountable. I will own up if i don't do this.

You guys are my safety net...no matter how crappy i feel about myself, i know that talking to you helps me figure this stuff out. I know that you have all been there or are still going through it. I know that you offer me nothing but words of encouragement and if you were standing here in front of me i know that i would receive your hugs. Thank you for your strength. I need it.

Hugs,
S :-)