The good the bad and ugly...

Hey all! I'm still here, i haven't dropped off the planet. I've been struggling...and with struggling comes guilt, and embarrassment...and then that becomes a whole new struggle! Well, i'm gonna bite the bullet, start practicing what i preach and reach out for help.

Other than a few walks, i haven't exercised since i got back from vacation 2 weeks ago. I've watched the pounds slowly creep back on, 4 more to be exact!! And i've let my body start finding those old aches and pains again. I won't even tell you what i've been eating!! I've allowed myself to take a back seat again in my own life. I've just sat there letting it happen. Hmmm...seems to me that's how i got so big in the first place.

Not sure why i let this happen...though i have an inkling. I'm one of those people that when i get depressed, i eat and sleep. Well, that is soooo not the case right now. But i also know that when things are going GREAT i also start back sliding. I have no clue as to why i do this...maybe because i'm so focused on what is making me happy i lose myself? I don't make me a priority? Do any of you experience this? Well, i have to say that my life is AMAZING right now!

I've been having a long distance relationship with S. We have known each other for about 12 years now, and lets just say that we have a history together. He has always lived on the east coast, and other than my few year stint in Halifax, i have always lived on the west coast. I never thought that anything would come of it before, that the distance was too great. He has 3 daughters that live out there and obviously him moving is not an option. I have family and friends here, and i always thought i couldn't imagine leaving. Well, that was then this is now :-) I love my family dearly, but i need to follow my heart, and it's with S. I have decided that i'm going to take a chance, and i'm going to move out there with him! We haven't picked a date yet, we have to wait on my job. I work for the federal government and i'm trying to get a transfer out there. I won't leave without my job, but even if i can't get a transfer, i could look at different departments. So this could happen in a couple of months, it could happen next year. I've never been happier! He's my best friend and i want nothing more than to grow old with him!

So, that being said, i'm happy happy happy! BUT...i need to keep my focus on getting healthy. It's hard right now, i'm so distracted...but i know i need to do this, i know how important this is. I woke up this morning with that old determination, and i'm going to work on today. I'm not going to stress about tomorrow. I just finished having a healthy breakfast. That's step 1. I'm going to do a few chores, and then jump on my treadmill. No excuses. That will be step 2. And no matter what happens today i am going to be accountable. I will own up if i don't do this.

You guys are my safety net...no matter how crappy i feel about myself, i know that talking to you helps me figure this stuff out. I know that you have all been there or are still going through it. I know that you offer me nothing but words of encouragement and if you were standing here in front of me i know that i would receive your hugs. Thank you for your strength. I need it.

Hugs,
S :-)

Where does the time go?

Where do the hours in the day go? I feel like i've been going non-stop since i got home! I've barely had a minute to myself. I need to find my rythm again...i haven't been on my treadmill since i got home :-( I need a push! Eating is going pretty good, but i need to move!! No more excuses...even if its only walking, i'm doing it tonight after supper...i have to start somewhere! I have made a commitment to myself, and i'm going to keep it!
Talk soon,
S :-)

Back from Vacation

What an amazing two weeks it was! I just got back last night, and i already miss being out there! I miss Simon, his girls, my friends...i have no doubt in my mind that i am going back. I don't know how or when we are going to do this, but the end result is for me and Simon to be together! I'm crazy about him!!! :-D

Now, to getting back on track. I was astonished to find out that i had only gained 1 lb over the course of the two weeks i was away. I ate fairly healthy, did some physical activities, but i also did quite a bit of partying with old friends and i know how many empty calories are in alcohol! I can only guess that i've lost some muscle mass, and gained some fat, that would explain the slight weight gain. Whatever. Today i get back on track. I'm going to head to the grocery store shortly and stock up on a whack of fruit and veggies, and then i'm hitting my treadmill. I know i won't be able to do as much as i did before, but i also know that it won't take me long to get back into the groove. At least for the next 3 weeks until i go to Mexico!

Feeling awesome right now!

Great big hugs to everyone!
S :-)

Another update!

Hey all! I know it's been a week, but i'm still on vacation and having the most amazing time! I just got back from camping with Simon and his 2 youngest daughters. I'm heading home in 5 days :-( I will miss them like crazy!! I don't even want to think about that yet!

Anyways, i know that my food and exercise have not been as good as i wanted, but like i said before, i'm not going to stress about it. I am not going to let that spoil my fun out here. I want to enjoy every moment i have with Simon...he's an incredible guy. I have known him for about 11 years and wish like heck that we didn't live across the country from each other. It's hard being apart from him. But i'm going to do my best to make this work. I'm crazy about him

And i know when i get back home that jumping on my treadmill and busting my butt with the food and exercise will help me feel good...it will help me feel better about myself. I want to focus on the things i actually have control over!

Hope everyone is doing great and i will probably be back on regularly next week!

Hugs!
S :-)

Another quick update

Just came back from a hike at Shubenacadie park. Really nice there, it's actually a canal with locks...very cool! Eating has been pretty good cuz my fabulous host Simon has gone out of his way to make sure that i have all sorts of low cal healthy food at my disposal. Fruits, veggies, chicken, body-wise breads and bagels and wraps...what a sweetie!

Heading out to see another friend i haven't seen in a few years, and then tomorrow we leave for New Brunswick to visit some amazing friends that i haven't seen in over 5 years. I am so excited to see them!!

Gotta go, hope all is well with everyone!

Hugs!
S :-)